Taylor’s Tips- June Download
IT’S NOT A ONE STOP SHOP
Often we find ourselves seeking a companionship that meets or exceeds our expectations- often times leaving us disappointed or having feelings of dissatisfaction.
As humans there are 5 core needs we strive to fulfill within our relationships; friendship, love, touch, intimacy and sex. When we enter into a romantic relationship more often than not there is a huge pressure that this one person must be able to fulfill all these needs, otherwise they’re seen as “not the one”.
The expectation that one person should be able to provide to us all of these categorizes is quite unrealistic and very rare. Our busy lives and decreased physical connection with the age of technology leave us very little room for personal connection, which makes sense why we want to try and find everything we need in one place.
Unfortunately this expectation can often leave us feeling disappointed and cause much tension within a romantic relationship.
In today’s world over 50% of marriages end in divorce and half of the remaining 50% are unhappy in their marriage, a very sad but understandable reality.
When we are feeling like our partner is unable to fulfill our needs in a certain area it now has become so easy to seek these feelings elsewhere with our modern technology, but often times what we’re seeking is not aligned with what we’re actually missing, but rather, what we think we are missing.
Often times we mistake what we are craving and put a band-aid over it by seeking more in other areas of our lives, giving us a false sense of fulfillment.
An example of this could be someone who feels they are lacking in their sex life within their relationship, so they begin having an affair with another person, trying to fill that void. However, what they are actually lacking and seeking is intimacy, which could be found in many other forms.
We need to shift our thinking and our expectations in order to rid ourselves of holding an unrealistic standard for one person and leaving us unhappy and disappointed when that person cannot meet all our needs.
We need to make time to evaluate our important relationships, understand that it may be unrealistic for one person to meet all of our needs and then extend these needs over various close relationships.
It is more realistic to have multiple relationships where you can have open communication about your expectations, and recognize that it is OK if someone cannot meet certain needs.
I myself prior to learning about this topic have often tried to meet all these needs within one person, and time and time again have been disappointed when they are unable to provide all of these things to me.
Like all aspects of our wellness journeys, working on our relationships and having these conversations can be difficult and takes time.
Start with small steps like expanding where your needs are met by one additional person or simply by communicating a need to your current partner in order to start an open conversation.
Our relationships play a huge role in our holistic well-being and being able to take a step back and reevaluate our expectations within our relationships, is crucial to our health and happiness.
LPN & your soon-to-be student coach.